last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
