have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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