Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
