Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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