I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
