Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
