I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
