I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize