Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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