Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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