do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
