Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
