I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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