You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Someone came in the potted fern
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
