This girl is more easily done than said...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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