somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
