just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
