Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
