I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
