my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
