i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
