3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
