you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
