My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i will never coherently bang her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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