If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
how drunk are you?
Several
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
