sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
