I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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