I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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