U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Someone signed my nipple.
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