I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
