She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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