So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
