I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
