If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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