beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
