He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
