So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
