I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
