The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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