she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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