I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize