You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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