I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
