So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
