I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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