do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
