Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i now understand why vodka
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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