I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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