You smell like a Billy Joel song
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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