I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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