I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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