Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
