Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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