he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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