Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
