alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
