wat bout pragnant strippers??
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
