you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
