Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
