i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
