He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
