Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
