she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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