I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize