After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
