I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
