Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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