girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
