I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
