Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
