Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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