Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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