Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
