White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
