You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
