apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
