Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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