the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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