I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
