3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
