All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
