You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I love having hate sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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