Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
