Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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