The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
