I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
