I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
