how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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