Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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