I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
