She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
