i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
