Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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