I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
