I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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