i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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