Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
