Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
