It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
