By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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