Sponge bath it is.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
