that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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