so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
