I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's the barista slut.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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