so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
