shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
