Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
