It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
