I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
