I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize