Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
