I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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