Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize