He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
