i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
