so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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