there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
