the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
