Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
